in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
