It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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