I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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