we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
