hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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