Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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