My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
