well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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