Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
