There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
