So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
