I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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