i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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