dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
