I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
