Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
