People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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