So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
COCAINE IS GR8
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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