we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
