I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
