onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Alive.
So much puke
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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