I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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