i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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