love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
