Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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