When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
