i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
