Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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