Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
