Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's the barista slut.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
