my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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