he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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