I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
