i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
