Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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