She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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