since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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