Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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