Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
