I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
