Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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