Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
