she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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