Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
