Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
