I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
