nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
