This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
