I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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