ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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