Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
