Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
